Dream-killers are those elements in our lives that are a countering force to our forward momentum and progression through the stages of life. Although, they serve to move us forward- in the sense that they evolve us by teaching us discerning qualities, sharpening our ability to make better decisions and move through life’s challenges better- they set us back ultimately, if we are unable to realize their purpose in our life in a timely fashion. A dream-killer has the ability to sabotage whatever you are trying to do to advance your life. Sometimes they do it knowingly and sometimes it is just the way they are-who they are. They often create endless drama. They effectively block our pathways to abundance by being an energy of resistance in our life. Whatever the case, there is no nice way to resolve this. It’s not like you can take them and launder them out!!
We all have or have had dream-killing energies in our lives. The problem is how often do we survey their impact on our lives? How often do we really sit down and evaluate in a strategic way the multiple ways in which these energies bring us harm, stymie our development, and worse-result in feelings of worthlessness and frustration?
If you expect divesting of dream-killers to be easy, don’t. It is usually not as seamless as one would wish it was. However, you can successfully divest of these energy draining relationships with dedication and the ability to recognize them before they are able to get a foothold in your life. Dream-killers can be present in our lives as people, places, situations, and states of mind. The most common dream-killers though are usually people that we care about deeply. We are usually emotionally attached to these folks and find ourselves justifying their existence.
How can you know when a dream-killer has entered your life? There are some common qualities that these kinds of individuals share. They are usually critical of you and seem to often be passing judgement on your decisions, what you do, and how you manage your life. They tend to have a subconscious or conscious need to feel superior to you in some way, and can even be very competitive in subtle or overt ways. A dream-killer is often extremely self-centered, and due to his or her self-absorption has little time to discover or celebrate who you are, your interests, your accomplishments, and your pain and joys. If and when they do, it’s a casual acknowledgement and is seldom followed by any real, sustainable inquiry. Subconsciously, they may resent your success.
Due to a dream-killer’s preoccupation with their needs, dream-killers often play the martyr, have a victim mentality, or are constantly finding ways to manipulate you to get what they want. You will find conversations with them are consumed with drama, or are usually very one-sided with them doing the majority of the talking. You can literally put the phone down, and come back minutes later and find them still prattling on, totally unaware of your absence. Often times, they will cut you off, or interrupt you when you express yourself. Somehow you never feel heard. That’s because you aren’t being heard! Hahaha!
Dream killers can often be very controlling, needing to dominate your time, sap your energy, and find ways to make you feel like the bad guy in disagreements. Dream-killers are jealous and possessive due to their own insecurities. A dream-killer might even be verbally or physically abusive. The verbal abuse can be hard to identify, as it can come across in snide comments, abrasive rebuts, and frequent criticism.
Often a dream-killer’s distorted view of life and their victim mentality cause them to take seemingly innocent comments you might make to the extreme. You frequently find yourself embroiled in meaningless bickering with them as they try to make everything about them. Unfortunately, you will find that dream-killers seldom accept responsibility for their role when things go wrong. They need to feel blameless to assert their superiority and dominance over you. You may even be a victim of ‘gaslighting’ and not really have defined it as such. This is especially true if your dream-killers is always creating negative narratives about you and putting you on the defensive. They consistently repeat these narratives in order to dominate the relationship.
The two most critical ways to tell if you have a dream-killer in your life is to evaluate how you feel most of the time after an interaction with this person and to observe how difficult it can be to shake this person even though you know you should. Do you often feel anxiety after or before dealing with this person? Do you feel unheard? Do you feel physically and psychically drained? Do you find yourself doubtful of your abilities or lacking in your normal level of confidence? Do you feel confused? Does your dream-killer seem to always be trying to shape you into who they think you should be? Have you tried to disengage from this person unsuccessfully? Do they tend to find a way to suck you back into their life by playing on your emotions and by staging emergencies or making you feel guilty? Do you find your intuition always guides you away from this person, but you convince yourself to just give them one more chance?
If you don’t put an end to the madness, it will take a toll on every area of your life. The bottom line is that dream-killers will drain you of your most precious resources-your time, your energy, your finances, and your spirit. The insidious way that they gain a footing in your life can often catch you off guard and by the time you realize that you don’t feel like yourself anymore, you’ve already wasted too much time with them. When you look at the way dream-killers have siphoned your time, you may be shocked at how they have diverted precious energy away from more important responsibilities. You may find your bank account and financial resources suffering. You’ll find you’ve spent less time with those people who actually love and honor you. Emotionally, you will be vulnerable in ways that you hadn’t expected. Spiritually, you will be depleted and lacking in vitality. On the rare occasion of their absence, you will notice how light and peaceful you feel.
Interestingly enough, there are some dysfunctional patterns that dream-killers exhibit that can allow you to group them and identify them. Although this may not always be the case, being aware of the kinds of family or historical dysfunction this person has experienced can alert you to what to look out for. Often, these folks have serious abandonment issues. They may have likely experienced severe emotional and physical abuse as a child. They may suffer or have suffered from the effects of substance abuse or other addictions. Somehow when you objectively view where they are in their lives, you can easily see signs of arrested development.They may lack grounding and have difficulty being able to sustain themselves, keep a job, finish what they start, or even stay focused. If you view their relationships with key family members, you will find there is a lack of endearment and often relationships are strained. Dream-killers have typically been in and out of romantic relationships and have difficulty sustaining healthy alliances in general. Due to their inability to accept their responsibility for where they find themselves, they will often blame others for their circumstances.
All of the above may not necessarily apply to your dream-killer. But one thing is for sure, they are dysfunctional. None of us are perfect, but a dream-killer’s habits and behaviors hurt, set you back, and their negative impact is excessive. You can feel the difference. And one thing is for sure, what it may take for you to attempt rehabilitation is just not worth it. Although we often care deeply for these people, their solution is much larger than us and must start with them first!
BUTTERFLY STEPS TO TAKE TO REMOVE YOUR DREAM-KILLER
So, how can you get rid of the dream-killer in your life? You can do the following things to help usher a dream-killer out of your life:
- Take inventory of how this person makes you feel. Determine your predominant feeling after an interaction with this person?
- Assess the ways this person has impeded your financial, career, and/or relationship empowerment.
- Evaluate what it is that continues to perpetuate this relationship between the two of you. What fears or issues are you harboring that make you a target? Knowing this will help you take responsibility for your role as well as give you the reinforcement to walk away from them and address your own weaknesses.
- Assess your finances. Often times these energies are so draining that we get hit hard in our pocketbooks when dealing with these people. On the other hand, you may find that you are being manipulated if this person holds the purse strings in the relationship. If you are being abused financially, see it for what it is. Stop looking the other way.
- Take a stand for yourself. Value who you are and what you bring to the table. You deserve so much better.
- Set boundaries and communicate your decision to cease all communications with this individual. This can be challenging, so it’s critical to find constructive ways to fill your time. Enjoy healthy relationships with others that respect, honor, and value you. Find new hobbies. Focus on your self-development. Take a class or learn something new. The longer the length of time is that you spend away from your dream-killer, the stronger your resolve.
- Have a set of phrases you will use when this person tries to contact you. Continue to repeat them and refuse to get dragged into conversations with this person. They have a real need to drag you into a drama.
- Don’t resort to trying to reason with them. Remember, they seek to draw you in emotionally so they can drain your energy. These kinds of people are usually miserable and need your energy. They are energy vampires.
- Don’t make excuses for this person, or for why you continue to nurture the relationship.
- Make an actual list of all the ways you have been wronged or made to feel inadequate. Refer to this list often as a reminder of why you must move on. Read the list daily in the mirror as you would affirmations. Sounds funny, but it works!
- Get healthy. The healthier you are emotionally and spiritually, the less likely you are to attract another dream-killer.
Now that you have made it to the end of my article, I hope you have found real value in my sharing. I thoroughly enjoy coaching highly functioning individuals who are craving a healthier mindset and a more fulfilling life. I enjoy helping them break through to who they really are and unleash their hidden potential. This often involves significant mindset shifts and an overall implementation of new habits that support prosperity consciousness and wealth creation. I’d love to partner with you to transform your life. Call me today to set up your discovery consultation session. Or enroll in the “Divesting of Dreamkillers” course at powerdigm.academy.com.
Tunisia Ali ©2018 Butterfly Transformations, Powerdigm Life Coach™, Reiki Master