We hear the term self-love all the time. Its become so cliche that often times we can forget to consider the depth of what it really means. Self love has to do with honoring who you are and what you feel, and choosing to take charge of your life in ways that aid your emotional, spiritual, physical and mental health. Self love really is the hidden element that allows us to transform our lives. It’s that unconditional appreciation of who you are as a total package, and your quest to accept nothing less than the best for yourself. When we love ourselves, we discover our treasure of hidden jewels within and are able to heal ourselves of past pains, ways we have wronged ourselves, and ways that others have wronged us. We are then gracefully reborn into a self-awareness that propels us forward into the ever-increasing depths of inner spiritual renewal. At this point, we don’t look back.
Self-love is something that we have to discover. We are not born with it. As we go through life, social conditioning and negative programming turn us away from honoring ourselves with this gift. Everything that stands in the way of self love has to be unlearned. We usually endure a metamorphosis initiated by a series of events that cause us to be finally transformed. This sets us on a quest to learning how to embrace life on our terms- leading us to accept and love ourselves unconditionally. This sojourn, while rewarding, can be a painful birth.
Self-love does not imply disregard for others or selfishness. In fact, when you truly love yourself, you are able to give of yourself more freely without depleting your reserves. You can only love others to the degree that you self-love. When you possess total self-love, you do only those things that are in alignment with your higher self, or the part of you that is concerned with your awakening to the beauty of life itself .
A woman who possesses self love trusts in her ability to know what is best for her. She doesn’t often second guess herself, and she has faith in her innate ability to discern what is necessary in order for her to live a purpose-filled life. A self-loving woman never turns her life over to another individual, even when she loves that person. She recognizes that she alone is accountable for her life, and she alone knows best how to execute her covenant. She trusts herself fully with the profound responsibility she has been given by the Creator.
Although she may help others and be very empathetic, a self-loving woman is one who truly loves herself and never allows the issues, dramas or problems that others bring to her to disrupt her wellness, or keep her from doing those things that are critical to her self-actualization or self care. She recognizes that without self love, self actualization is not possible for herself or others who she may reach out to assist. A person who values and loves herself always remembers that a relationship with others never equates to her own devaluation. A person who self loves does does not do things that self harm, or things that are ultimately destructive to her being or her path to happiness.
Truly, learning to truly love yourself is a process along a continuum of teachable moments administered by life.
A woman who seeks to improve her self-love quotient nurtures strength of spirit and has a self care routine that keeps her balanced, grounded and able to care for others. Seldom does anything interfere with her dedication to remembering her priority for caring for herself in ways that keep her energized, healthy, balanced, and happy.
Only a woman who loves herself is available to truly love others. This is a concept that is very profound, and as well very much misunderstood, or not given the full weight it deserves in terms of importance. People who suffer from degrees of deficiency in the area of self-love often do battle within themselves and expect less from life and less from others. They may often be unaware as to the reasons why they find themselves in certain predicaments, relationships, and circumstances. Often they are not very self-aware, may have suffered varied abuse at the hands of others, and are unable to actualize their desires. They tend to often be afraid and insecure, lacking the feeling of completeness that allows other people to manifest their intentions for greatness in their lives.
When you love yourself, you are able to embrace the fullness of the divinity that resides within you. You feel connected and secure, despite your physical surroundings or resources. You needn’t seek others for their validation or approval. You live from the deepest part of yourself fully and with clarity.
A woman having a high self-love quotient can be identified in the following ways:
- She is self-assured and confident in a humble and modest way.
- She is not concerned about impressing others and is independent of the views of others as it relates to her self-image.
- She is comfortable in her own skin.
- She is able to easily and effortlessly assist others from an energy reserve far beyond her own physical vessel.
- She is deeply in touch with her inner being, and has likely done a lot of inner purging and release of attachments, old pains and hurts, and ways of living and being that do not reflect self-value.
- She radiates a glow of assuredness, confidence, and inner beauty.
- She takes care of herself physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally, and it is obvious.
- She doesn’t invite or allow needless drama into her life.
Butterfly Questions to Ponder
What’s Your Self-Love Quotient? To assess your level of self-love, ask yourself the following questions and consider your responses carefully. Avoid making excuses as you answer the questions, or taking exception to the essence of what the question pinpoints. Reflect on your answers gleaning areas of improvement. Consider also from ‘whence you came’ and the progress you no doubt have made up to this point.
In what ways do I protect my inner and outer sanctuary?
- In what ways do I value myself, my feelings, and my needs and desires in relationship to others.
- In what ways do I spend time loving on myself?
- During what times or circumstances do I feel incomplete, lonely or like I’m missing something?
- How often to I spend time alone?
- Can I accept compliments on their own merit, without rebuts other than “thank you.”
- In what areas of my life do I let myself down by allowing others to devalue me or my contributions?
- In what ways am I failing to make myself and my needs a priority?
- Are the people I am around draining my energy? If so, what are my reasons for allowing this?
- Does my life often feel out of control?
- What are the 2 greatest obstacles to my happiness, and how do these things impact me negatively? Butterfly Ways to Love on Yourself:
1. Spend more time loving on yourself by spending more time in your own company.
2. Take time to focus on your wants and desires and find ways to pursue them. Remove yourself away from toxic situations. This affirms the value you have for yourself and makes it easier to make this a permanent way of being.
3. If you are a caretaker, make time for what you need in your life.
4. Give yourself permission to say “No” and mean “No”.
5. Value yourself, your time, and your resources, removing yourself from situations where you are under appreciated.
6. Begin to communicate more clearly about what you want. Be sure to act and do according to how you feel. Live a harmonious life.
7. Safeguard your personal time and space not allowing disruptive energies into your space. Release the over concern for worrying about the needs of others. Help, but not at your own expense.
8. Take the time you need to refuel at planned intervals, allowing everyone and everything else around you to wait.
9. Compliment yourself consistently and celebrate your accomplishments and worthiness.
10.Look in mirror daily and say positive affirmations to yourself.
11. Pay careful attention to your emotions and bodily sensations. These gifts provide clues to what we are often not prepared to admit to ourselves consciously.
I am love.
I know resolutely what my needs are.
I value all of my personhood.
I am not undermined by the company I choose to keep.
I love how I was created.
I was created perfectly.
Give yourself a hug, loving on the various parts of your perfect body, and thanking them for bringing you as far as you’ve come. Vow to love, nurture, and support their health.
Tunisia Ali, Intuitive Life Coach and Reiki Master www.butterflytransformations.com